In these last few months I've begun to realise that as we grow and change, we become more of who we are. I have also realised that the reason I did not marry my university boyfriend or the one I was with for four years after university is because neither of us were ready or grown up enough. .
For instance, this blog post with the words marriage would have made the person I was with for four years crazy with worry. For weeks following it he would have casually asked if it meant I wanted a ring I would have said no. Even though I did not want the ring at the time, he and I had never discussed rings at any point.
A few days ago the boyfriend and I were watching something on TV and a promo for a baby/pregnancy expo came on and as I usually do I shrieked with excitement. My sister-in-law and I often go to these things together; partly for the information packs but mostly to remind ourselves that my niece is the cutest baby out there.
Boyfriend didn't wasn't surprised or uncomfortable that I was excited by a baby expo. Firstly, he knows that I want to have children one day and secondly he knows that anything baby (okay she's a toddler now) makes me think James.
This is why having a relationship at this time of my life is proving to be better than the relationships I had when I was younger. I never shared what my dreams and ambitions were, aside from work. I also wasn't sure what I wanted and admitting that scared me.
We are all different. Some people have it together in their 20s, others in their 30s and some of us are Late Bloomers. Don't be too hard on yourself. Do what feels right and the rest will come to you. Don't dwell on relationships, friendships and jobs that didn't work out. Focus on the person you are today and what she wants. If you can't look at gorgeous gowns or play with cute babies without your guy giving you the eye, then one day you'll have to move on.